


(if you would've been) the one

by isthismydesign



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: Acceptance, Angst and Humor, Break Up, F/M, Kinda, M/M, Nostalgia, Post-Break Up, Revenge, Time Skips, Unhappy Ending, im so mean to ryan sorry, no beta we die like men, the 1 - Taylor Swift
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:55:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26096722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isthismydesign/pseuds/isthismydesign
Summary: But we were something, don't you think so?Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the poolAnd if my wishes came trueIt would've been you
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej, Shane Madej/Sara Rubin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 8





	(if you would've been) the one

**Author's Note:**

> so this has a t o n of timeskips. ive done my best to erase continuity errors but there might be some, sorry about that. this is unbeta'd. its late, i havent even read it over cover to cover. enjoy anyway
> 
> x Gray

2 August 2027  
_I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit_  
“We’re here with the brilliant director of the film, Mr Ryan Bergara. Tell me Ryan, what was your vision when directing the film?” A perky blonde woman asks whose name Ryan can’t remember for the life of him, even though she’s interviewed him almost every year for his movies.  
Despite not wanting to, he cracks a smile thinking of his latest film. “You don’t have to call me brilliant each year Kathrine, you’ll give me a big head. So this movie is based off a dream I had years ago actually, about a snake-”  
The interview makes Ryan think though, which is always a mistake.

10 March 2016  
_Been saying "yes" instead of "no"_  
“Ryan, this is your desk buddy Shane! He’s only been here a week but he’ll be able to show you the ropes.” His new boss doesn’t initiate more chat, already leading the other new interns to their respective desks. Ryan turns to look at the man at the desk, watching almost slack-jawed as he maneuvers weirdly long limbs out of his chair.  
The man smiles, and Ryan almost blushes under the attention, but manages not to. “So it’s Ryan, right?” Shane asks, and Ryan nods. “So Ryan, I gotta be honest, I’ve only been here a week and the only place I know for sure is the kitchens, because they have popcorn, so I’m sorry if I get’cha lost.”  
Ryan perks up at the mention of popcorn. “Good thing that’s the only place I’m interested in then!” Shane laughs, and Ryan decides that he will do anything to hear that sound again.  
“Good, then I’ll show you where it is.” Shane beckons and Ryan trails after him. “And maybe we can share a bucket at the cinema this weekend?”  
Ryan laughs at the smoothness of it all. “As long as we’re seeing that horror that just came out.”  
Shane looks affronted. “There are other movies out?”

3 May 2025  
_I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn't though_  
Every time Ryan sees someone tall, he can’t help but squint and try and see if it’s Shane. It never is, but that doesn’t mean that Ryan can take the disappointment. His therapist keeps asking why Ryan always double checks, and Ryan never has an answer.

20 June 2021  
_I hit the ground running each night_  
With Shane gone, Ryan starts running at night when it gets warmer. Maybe it was another sad hope to see Shane again, but Ryan really does it to feel that much closer to Shane. Why else would he buy a cat, too?

16 April 2016  
_I hit the Sunday matinée_  
Shane pays for everything that night, much to Ryan’s charin. Who would have thought that those limbs could move that fast for a check? He takes Ryan’s hand on the way out of the theater, already cracking jokes about the hilariously bad special effects. God knows Ryan wasn’t ready to be this into Shane so fast, but he can’t help but think that maybe this was just meant to be.

13 September 2020  
_You know the greatest films of all time were never made_  
It’s a brilliant few years, it really is. Unsolved takes off pretty quick, and Brent was only there because Ryan wanted to take things slow with Shane. And when Shane is on board with starting their own company, Ryan is stoked. After all, the only thing as permanent as being co-founders of a company is getting married, something that Ryan is longing to do. For all of Shane’s jokes about marriage being not at all needed, Ryan knows that Shane wants to spend the rest of their lives together. 

10 June 2021  
_I guess you never know, never know_  
A small nugget of self-preservation saves Ryan’s ass when he decides that a big public proposal at Knott’s is a bit over the top for Shane. But when he asks Shane, really for the first time, about marriage his response was nothing short of miraculous. In the worst way possible.  
“I don’t really think I want to get married.” Shane shrugs, shrugs. “I’ve said it before, it’s not necessary. It’s too permanent to me.”  
Surely Shane knows, knew, that getting married was something that Ryan would want. Ryan wonders if Shane knows how much his words are hurting him. He has to, a four year relationship means that you know someone, right?  
“Do you think that we would get divorced or something? I think if we we’re gonna break this off we would have done it by now?” Ryan asks, and he knows he sounds a little choked up about this.  
Shane’s face softens, and Ryan wonders if this is what he would look like if he had turned Ryan down all those years ago, asking for a second date. “I’m just, I don’t know, Ryan. I’ve felt this way for as long as I can remember. I’ve never wanted to get married, and I still don’t.”

4 December 2021  
_And if you wanted me, you really should've showed_  
They were doomed after that, they both knew it. And Ryan can tell that Shane is trying to fix it, and that’s what hurts the most. Ryan will never understand it, and Shane will never try and explain.  
They argue, hell, they fight. “It’s a piece of paper Shane! All you have to do is sign it! We don’t even need a ceremony or anything, it can just be you and me. Don’t you want that?” Ryan is close to tears, he almost always is these days.  
Shane sighs, heavy, tired, resigned. “It’s not that simple Ryan. Why can’t you see that?”  
Ryan hits his breaking point. “Yes, it is Shane. It really is that fucking simple. I’m willing to give up almost everything I’ve ever wanted. Kids, since you don’t fucking want them. You don’t want a house, fine! We don’t get a damn house. But you aren’t willing to give up, what, your freedom or some shit like that? Fine. I guess it’s just too big of an ask. Keep your fucking freedom, Shane. Hell, take it all, god knows how you managed to be tied down to a boyfriend for four years. I’m so happy to finally liberate you of the burden.”  
Ryan storms out of their apartment, he doesn’t give a fuck if it’s childish. Shane never follows, and Ryan barely manages to make it to Steven’s place before breaking down.

5 January 2022  
_And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow_  
Ryan takes two weeks off work and drives to Yellowstone just for the hell of it. He lets his phone and laptop die and holes up in a motel in a daze. It’s awkward when Ryan returns, especially when Shane is once again, infuriatingly calvillear. Meanwhile people are asking Ryan if someone has died and Shane has the nerve to not even blink when Ryan practically cries on camera. It doesn’t get much better when attempting to film shows. Ryan can only handle Shane if Steven is there too, which ruins a great deal of potential shows. Shane just finds replacements for him time after time and Ryan has to spend the night at Steven’s every time it happens. 

16 February 2022  
_And it's alright now_  
Ryan finds himself shockingly grateful for his new apartment. It’s practically on the other side of the city, the security is non-existent. It drags him out of his head and forces him to pay attention. All Ryan does is work out, weights at a 24/7 gym, running all over the city, he picked up rock climbing, and got addicted to hiking.  
He finds a way to still make content for Watcher, but he knows now that Watcher is just a stepping stone to something else for him. All his videos are by himself, and a show or two with Steven. During his solo shows, Ryan does everything by himself, operates the camera, watches over the audio, and of course, comes up with ideas. It’s a lot of physical activity, something neither Shane nor Steven enjoy enough to do it with him. He runs marathons, learns how to box, hikes the Oregon trail. He does all the daredevil things that he’d been too afraid to try. He goes skydiving, bungee-jumping, he goes on a guided tour deep inside a cave, climbing all around Cali. 

20 March 2022  
_But we were something, don't you think so?_  
Ryan dreams about Unsolved. When it felt like Ryan and Shane against the world. He dreams of Shane stealing a bridge, roasting ghosts, and practically defending serial killers. He dreams of all the times that Shane made him feel safe, when he took things like that for granted.

23 April 2016  
_Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool_  
Their second date is so cliche it hurts. Shane took him to lunch, and they walked around until they “stumbled” upon a fountain. Ryan fished out two coins from his pocket, and they each made a wish. He had turned to Shane and asked if Shane thought his wish would come true. Shane kissed him, simple and sweet, and when they broke apart Shane smiled, saying that his just did. 

23 April 2016  
_And if my wishes came true_  
Ryan had wished for them to fall in love, because he was already falling, so all he needed was for Shane to fall too. 

7 May 2016  
_It would've been you_  
Ryan said “I love you” first, because he loves easy like that. It took Shane a lot longer, but Ryan was patient. Really all it took was Ryan reading a history book about pirates after the Anne Bonny episode of Ruining History. Ryan laughed when Shane finally said it, thinking about how he thought that all of this would last forever. 

16 June 2022  
_In my defense, I have none_  
Six months after they broke up, Ryan is still hurting. He tries not to think too hard about the past, but he still cries, like a lot. He starts browsing job listings, something that well and truly uses his degree. He applies for a ton of positions, anything to get away from Watcher. It’s sad really, how he spent so little time with his creation and now he can’t wait to get away from it. 

1 July 2022  
_For never leaving well enough alone_  
He still can’t get enough of Shane. He still checks Shane’s Twitter and Instagram way more often then he should, and he tells himself that he needs to know what Shane’s up to because he's a co-founder. 

23 August 2022  
_But it would've been fun_  
It hurts Ryan to watch season four of Puppet History. Shane was so excited to get the thumbs up from everyone to make season two. He must have researched for a solid month, and Ryan was never able to act annoyed with him for it.

3 September 2022  
_If you would've been the one_  
Once a week, Ryan lets himself take out the box with the engagement ring. Shane had never even seen it. Once a week, Ryan lets himself cry. He doesn’t know if it’s healthy to hold every drop of sadness in all week, but if he didn’t he would cry every time he saw Shane. So bottling it all up it is. Maybe someday he won’t have to. 

30 January 2023  
_I have this dream you're doing cool shit_  
It takes way too long in Ryan’s opinion, but he finally gets a few job interviews. Some are as simple as camera operators, but when an offer rolls in to essentially become an apprentice to a well known director, Ryan knows that it’s the job. 

22 February 2023  
_Having adventures on your own_  
Ryan decides to announce his leave from Watcher during a livestream, because he’s earned the right to be a dramatic shit. Naturally, everyone except Steven is shocked. Ryan sees that even Shane looks a little shaken, and Ryan takes way too much pride at cracking his facade for even a moment.  
He thanks everyone for all of their support from Unsolved to Watcher, and to his new job as an assistant director. He thanks his staff, his ex-staff now, since he approved his own two weeks notice a while ago. He encourages his fans to continue to support Watcher. He doesn’t mention that it’s been almost a year coming, or the reason for his sudden departure.

29 March 2023  
_You meet some woman on the internet and take her home_  
A month into Ryan’s new job in Hollywood, Steven and him meet up for coffee. Steven can tell that Ryan is still itching to ask about Shane, since after leaving Watcher Ryan finally got the nerve to unfollow and mute Shane on every platform.  
That doesn’t mean Ryan remembers how to breathe when Steven breaks the news to him that Shane started dating Sara, and Ryan can’t make himself ask when it happened. 

11 July 2017  
_We never painted by the numbers, baby_  
Shane used to take him stargazing. Their schedule never allowed it very frequently, but when a weekend was free Shane would book a motel in the middle of Nevada and Ryan would drive the Prius until there wasn’t a building in sight. Ryan thought that Shane had never looked so at peace when he stared up into that sky. 

3 June 2023  
_But we were making it count_  
Ryan goes to Nevada, booking the shittiest motel he can find. As he looks at the stars, he tries not to wonder if Shane had taken Sara to Nevada yet. Ryan makes his own memories that night, dancing around in the middle of the night blasting all the music that Shane never liked. 

22 June 2023  
_You know the greatest loves of all time are over now_  
Ryan sees posts on his Twitter timeline about him and Shane more than he cares to admit. His fans wonder what happened, they lament his absence on Watcher, but most of all, they reminisce about the time that Shane and Ryan were inseparable. Ryan reminisces with them.

17 July 2023  
_I guess you never know, never know_  
In a moment of weakness, Ryan asks Steven how often Shane mentions him. He doesn’t know how to feel when Steven admits that he rarely mentions him.

30 August 2023  
_And it's another day waking up alone_  
Ryan got used to waking up alone, but only after his cat began to sleep at the foot of the bed and his doctor prescribed him melatonin. He gets another cat, it's less to remind him of Shane and Obi and more because they really are cute creatures. 

24 October 2023  
_But we were something, don't you think so?_  
Ryan dreams about Tourist Trapped. They tried to film some dates of Ryan and Shane’s but they were too in love and Watcher didn’t get enough content to keep making it and also keep their relationship on the down low. 

4 December 2023  
_Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool_  
On the anniversary of their break up, Ryan returns to the fountain. It’s smaller than he remembered, but there’s no doubt that its the same one. He wonders if their pennies are still in there, wishes that came true, but not forever.

4 December 2023  
_And if my wishes came true_  
He finds a penny in his pocket, and he wishes to heal.

3 March 2024  
_It would've been you_  
Ryan sees a picture of Shane and Sara on his Instagram feed, and even though he can’t bring himself to hate either of them, he still cries. 

18 April 2024  
_In my defense, I have none_  
That picture is a bit like a relapse, but this round Ryan throws himself into his work. He can tell that his mentor and bosses are pleased, so he reasons that at least something good came out of this wave of depression.

1 July 2024  
_For never leaving well enough alone_  
Ryan officially leaves his Twitter and Instagram accounts in favor of new ones. No goodbye messages, whoever finds the new ones for his new job can follow. People manage to find him, but they know he’s not making content on YouTube anymore so not as many people follow him. He likes how much it doesn’t matter to him. 

25 July 2024  
_But it would've been fun_  
His first movie comes out, and it’s a hit. Ryan almost falls down when he gets his paycheck, but he’s grown attached to his shitty one bedroom with his cats. He donates most of it to charity, but doesn’t tell a soul. 

13 August 2024  
_If you would've been the one_  
Ryan takes the wedding ring out. It’s been almost two years, which is why he thinks he’s ready for this. He takes it to a jewelry store and gets it resized to fit his right ring finger. He’s still sad, but the bitterness is all gone.

4 December 2024  
_I persist and resist the temptation to ask you_  
Ryan wakes up one day with a text from Steven that reads “I’m sorry.” The momentary confusion is nothing compared to the picture of an engagement announcement on Shane’s Instagram. It’s a bitter day in mid-December, on the anniversary of their breakup.

16 December 2024  
_If one thing had been different_  
Ryan spent a lot of time in a boxing gym that holiday season. He blocks Shane and Sara on everything. He tries to face the fact that he’ll never know why Sara changed his mind, or if it was just Ryan. 

31 December 2024  
_Would everything be different today?_  
All Ryan wants to do is be petty, and he thinks he’s earned the right. Steven wouldn’t hear of it, but Steven doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Ryan knows better than to tell him that. 

10 January 2025  
_We were something, don't you think so?_  
All Ryan can do is stew in his anger. He stopped fighting opponents at the gym because he was scared he would hurt someone. So he fights the sandbags and aggressively climbs the rock walls at the climbing gym. 

28 January 2025  
_Rosé flowing with your chosen family_  
Shane and Sara will marry quick in a month, a small ceremony with a nonexistent honeymoon. Ryan practically sees red. Ryan knows from the pictures how much Shane loves Sara. He tries to remember if Shane ever looked at him like that, and he sobs when he comes up empty.

9 February 2025  
_And it would've been sweet_  
Ryan delves into his laptop, goes into his hall closet, and milks footage of Tourist Trapped from Steven. He finds old vlogs that never saw the light of day from his post break up days. He thanks God that his mom never deleted her Facebook posts about him and Shane.  
He has a promotion lined up in New York anyway, so it doesn’t really matter. He’s been hurt for so long that all he wants is for Shane to see that for himself.

19 February 2025  
_If it could've been me_  
He edits for days, holed up after taking time off work due to a family emergency. He pulls an all-nighter the night before the wedding. Steven is concerned, and Ryan really hopes that Steven won’t be too mad at him.

28 February 2025  
_In my defense, I have none_  
He unlocks his old Twitter and Instagram, and practically cackles as he watches Shane’s post about finally being married pops up on his timeline.

28 February 2025  
_For digging up the grave another time_  
**Hello ghouligans! I know it’s been a while since I was active on this account, but I decided that I needed to make a post congratulating Shane on his wedding! I figured that you would also enjoy some answers to the mystery of why I left Watcher, and why I no longer speak to Shane.  
You see, Shane and I dated for a grand total of five years, seven months, and twenty-three days. A long time, right? I agree. It was long enough that we felt comfortable starting a company together, a rather big investment in all areas of life. So I asked Shane to marry me, because next to starting a company together, what's a little wedding?  
Apparently, Shane didn’t agree with me. The next six months were tortuous for me. While I tried my best to understand where Shane was coming from, at the end of the day my logic led me to the thought that Shane simply didn’t love me enough to marry me, even with almost six years of a relationship under our belts. Even though our relationship ended, I vehemently denied that thought for over three years, I see now that my detective brain had indeed been right all along.  
I tell you all this now because I want you all, Shane included, to imagine how I felt when I saw the tables had turned. There Shane was, announcing the wedding I had dreamed of for years, and I was on the sidelines with the knowledge that I will never get married. I say that because I love Shane, I always have, and years later I still do. I wear a ring that I bought for him two years ago and I have no intention of taking it off.  
I want Shane to remember who taught him how to love. Who taught him to love not just another person, but himself. Who taught him to remember how much his family and friends loved him, and how to love them back. To remember that me and my family taught him how to accept the love of others and turn that love into strength.  
Please enjoy a compilation of pictures, videos, and posts that documented our relationship, and my journey in healing from it. Thank you to BuzzFeed, Watcher Entertainment, the Bergara and Madej families for donating footage and pictures.  
I wish the best for Shane and Sara, but I hope to God that my last lesson to him is one in empathy.**

At the end of the video a simple graphic appeared on screen.

_But it would've been fun_  
_If you would've been the one_  
_x Ryan_


End file.
